I am currently filtering through entries, trying to make one cohesive statement.
It is as if I'm looking at myself out there on a T.V. screen, hovering over my right shoulder. Why that angle? When I am out there it is a different feeling. Maybe it is because I am so involved in the act (of running) and not thinking about those feelings, but that is where they are manifested.
I am the only soul out there. I am surrounded by nature and its inhabitants, but I do not see them. It is just me out there.
I get so damn nostalgic.
I believe the sky to be a little more important than the ground. This is because I tend to see more sky than land when I am out running in those vast landscapes. It also helps me acquire that floating feeling.
It's another way for me to show space I suppose. Instead of showing distance horizontally, I want to show it vertically. I love the gradation of the colors. The colors of the sunset bleeding into the darkness of night. As I run during this time it creates a mood that is haunting yet peaceful.
I really get that feeling at the beach. Standing in the ocean when it's dark out. The sun just set in the west. And as your looking eastward, you know nothing is there except darkness. The vastness of the ocean is overwhelming. I feel like if I don't get away soon something will reach out and grab me. Such a lonely and depressing feeling. Seeing the lights all the way out in the distance, you feel so far away and helpless. There is openness everywhere, in all directions. The thousands of miles across the ocean, the hundreds of miles below you, the infinite space above you. Just darkness. The same sky gradation I'm talking about goes the same for the ocean's water. Starts out with some light but the deeper you travel down, the more darkness there is.
I am basing them (my paintings) off of my memories and of my feelings while I'm out running. How I remember them to be after a run
The viewer seems not to be grounded on the land, but rather the point of view suggests to somehow be lifted off the ground, up into the air. When I think back to those runs where my body feels disassociated with the ground, it is as if my body/spirit is floating above the terrain. I am in such a meditative state that my mind seems to be gone.
I like to pretend that my "spirit" is floating across all that distance while my mind is still running on the roads. It is an attempt to be in two places at once.
For some reason what I am painting and talking about is not as strong while I am running, but instead afterwards. So what am I painting? I am attempting to capture the essence of the combination of everything that is going through my head.
It is the culmination of my running experience. At the time of the run and after. But usually not until after is when the feelings are the strongest.
The feelings and memories that arise in my head are not created until after the act of running is completed. Physically being there is the first step in the process. The process of remembering where I was, how I felt, and the act of putting it on canvas. They are brief moments that I remember . I am putting them on canvas in a more abstract/expressionist way. It is the flash of memory. It is a feeling, so it's hard to put into words.
Running is ideal, easiest? way to remember them.
So maybe the paintings are not about running per se, it is just the tool for me to remember easier. I can remember those scenes, running, walking, not really driving. But sometimes.
That feeling is one of expansiveness, of solitude.
When there are open fields it is easier for me to think, I feel more comfortable. It allows me to see more.
I always seem to go back to wanting to depict physical space (distance) in my paintings.
Its interesting how you describe these scenes as if its about loneliness, and solitude. About feeling so small in such a large world. About really feeling the distance that these vast paintings portray. Yet the way you paint them seems to find the beauty in being alone. It's being able to get away from people, just you and nature, it's peaceful. It remind me of when I was young living on abbot hill road we had something like 27 acres of field, that stretched all the way back to some woods. We had trails to walk on and a small pond to play on in the winter when it was frozen. I remember always looking back to the distant tree line, admiring the beauty of it. I think with the feeling of distance, that you portray in your paintings, comes the feeling of want to get there. Like me sitting on the porch looking back to the woods, I wanted to go there, I wanted to be with nature. Still today I have such a desire to go back and revisit those memories. when I think of that old house, the first thing I imagine is that view from my back porch to the distant tree line.
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